


We look so good together

by mangoananas_1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drabble, F/F, Femslash, First War with Voldemort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Marauders' Era, One Shot, One Shot Song Challenge, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangoananas_1/pseuds/mangoananas_1
Summary: "Because you always had that peace with you, wherever you went. You turned your sadness into fire. (And you had a lot of sadness in you.) You’d look above and get strength from your God. I could never do that. What kind of a god gives you love and then takes it away?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for hp femslash network's project from Tumblr. Based on "She Keeps Me Warm" by Mary Lambert. Tw: death.

‘You smell like home’, you’d say, your nose buried in my hair. I’d pretend to be annoyed with you interrupting my reading. You’d just grin, seeing right through me. Like you always did. From the moment Mulciber threw that book at my head when we were 11. Lily was so worried but I insisted I was okay. You didn’t buy it and made me see Madam Pomfrey. (I ended up crying in your arms later that night.) Somehow you always knew what I needed, what I wanted. You’d always read it from my face, even when I thought I wasn’t letting anything out. 

Your hand in mine. You always kept me grounded. When Sirius would visit, bringing the news about yet another senseless death. You’d take my hand and give it a squeeze. Count seconds aloud, tell me to breathe. Breathe with me. Because you always had that peace with you, wherever you went. You turned your sadness into fire. (And you had a lot of sadness in you.) You’d look above and get strength from your God. I could never do that. What kind of a god gives you love and then takes it away? 

I was always cold, always freezing. Covered in blankets, rocking that pair of red and gold woolen socks you always laughed at. You’d sit next to me, lifting me onto your lap, cuddling me. Resting your chin on my shoulder. I’d shiver and hold on to you. You’d just hug me tighter. We’d be each other’s safety. Each other’s refuge in the middle of a war. You kissed the back of my hand.

It should’ve been me. It should’ve, but I knew it wasn’t going to be. When I watched your silhouette against the flames in common room. Every time I stared at your face as you focused on something (your tongue always sticking out just a little bit). I knew that you would be the first to go. Not because you’d want to leave me, no. You loved me as much as I loved you. Not because I didn’t believe in your abilities. You were the most talented witch in the Order. (After me, you’d argue.) Not because of any of that but because I saw, from the very first moment I met you, just how similar we really were. So when you took my hand and threw yourself into a war, my war, I just knew you’d give it everything you’ve got. You’d fight until your very last breath for a cause that didn’t even have to affect you. For me. For you. Because you just had to try to save everyone, didn’t you? I guess every hero needs to be a bit suicidal.

And now? Now I’m sitting on your grave, next to the cold headstone (at least I have something that understands the ice flowing under my skin). Your name written in pretty cursive that doesn’t look like you at all. And I look above and I see the stars and I feel so small and I don’t know where you are and everything hurts and it hurts, it hurts so much.

Now I’m freezing and I have no one to keep me warm. I have no one to tell me to breathe through the sobs. No one to tell me it’s gonna be okay, that we’re gonna win (because good always wins). I’m freezing and no amount of blankets can keep the cold away. No amount of Gryffindor socks can keep the chill from seeping into my bones. The frost is making its new home in my brain, and I feel numb. And there’s a war going on and I need to keep fighting, I can’t stop, I can’t.

And as the figures form a circle around me, as my wand flies from my hand. As that monster of a man stands in front of me, I’m not here anymore. Instead of green light, instead of sneering faces, I see you. You in your red dress. Instead of cold floor I feel you, holding my hand. We make our way down the stairs. You look so beautiful and perfect and I’m so scared because what if they stare. And you lean close and I can smell your perfume, it’s making my head spin. You are the last thing I see, your voice the last thing I hear (like I always knew it would be).

‘It’s ‘cause we look so good together.’


End file.
